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Welcome to the news - AbsurdWatch
This is where you can all see the efforts, manifestations, and absurdities in human behavior at the Circus known as The World. Barnum & Bailey had nothing on the goings on of Humanity.
This page will be updated on a regular basis with new and even more absurd (sometimes hysterically so) news from around The World. This page will be updated regularly so come back often. (why not bookmark it to make your life a little more convenient?) Enjoy your visit!
AbsurdWatch Headlines (click on the [Link] for the full story)
August 27, 2008
PLAN TO EXHUME CARDINAL IS 'HOMOPHOBIC'
Don't you just love the way the media fans public opinion? It's particularly interesting when one or more ideologies are clashed together to create conflict. [Link]
PRIMARY SCHOOL BANS CARTWHEELS, HANDSTANDS
When there is something that could be potentially dangerous (read: school liable for lawsuits from parents) then those activities must be banned, in order to "protect the children." Too bad all those kinds of activities are fun. [Link]
UP TO 500 NORTH TEXAS STUDENTS SUSPENDED OVER BELTS
Mm hmm, over belts. Absurdity continues... [Link]
SAT SCORES REMAIN AT 10-YEAR LOW
The state of education in the US. Could there possibly be a correlation between this result and all the other news stories about violations of dress codes and banning cheerleading uniforms and incorrect belts? I wonder... [Link]
CHARGES DROPPED AGAINST WOMAN WHO REGISTERED HER DOG TO VOTE
Ms. Balogh asks in the article, "I'm a nobody. I'm just a plain old lady who loves her country and nobody is responding," Balogh said. "What does it take to get somebody to listen?" Well, I have an answer for you, Ms. Balogh. Because it's all a bunch of bullsh*t. [Link]
DELAYED BY HER BRA, AIR PASSENGER IS INDIGNANT
Another victim in the war between "it's policy" and "just doing my job, ma'am." [Link]
PALM BAY TEEN CHARGED IN COMPUTER -RELATED RAMPAGE
Is this the new symptom caused by being plugged in? [Link]
EMPLOYEES SAY ABERCROMBIE & FITCH IS JUDGING WORKERS BASED ON LOOKS
Welcome to the world of marketing the fantasy of prescribed beauty in all its forms, at a price. Of course, those who are not deemed beautiful are going to be upset. Could social engineering be breeding a new kind of -ism? Beauty-ism? Again, social engineering at its finest, here folks! [Link]
POLICE GRILL MUM OVER BREAST PUMP
Here is where ignorance is mistaken for "indecent exposure." It should read that the mum was a victim of ignorance. [Link]
August 26, 2008
REMEMBER 'GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY?'
Do you? When was the last time you have seen kids outside playing? Around here, where I live, I am aware that children live nearby, but an entire summer went by, and I never saw one child outside playing in their yards. It's better to have the kids inside plugged in to video games, television sets, computers, ipods, cell phones, etc. because they will become future consumers, and it's best to brand them early. [Link]
U.S. COLLEGES MOVING TO RETIRE CAFETERIA TRAYS
This tidbit of bureaucratic and logistic brilliance is brought to you by the address the symptom and not the cause foundation. But do people really understand just how controlled their lives are, to the point that their dependence is hooked to a cafeteria tray? [Link]
OUT WITH THE OLD: ROAD SIGN 'INSULTS PENSIONERS'
That these pensioners are insulted by a road sign says that they hook their identities and well beings to a road sign. Let me say that again, a road sign. It makes them think, "people will think I'm old if they see that road sign, and then it'll remind me that I am old, bursting my carefully designed bubble of delusions, and I don't want to deal with that." [Link]
BASEBALL BROUHAHA GOES INTO EXTRA INNINGS
Footloose for baseball. If 'it's all about the kids,' why are only the parents and coaches (adults) upset? And why are they upset? Because it's about time somebody did something to stop children from ruining their parents' cathartic relationship with them. Like when Dad couldn't play baseball in school because of that really good kid who took all the fun out of the game, he just doesn't want his boy to have to experience the same kind of surrender he did. I mean, that's just love people. Or it could just be a lesson in whining the adults are trying to pass on to the kids, to keep them dependent. "Whaa, that kid is better, Daddy State please make him stop." [Link]
NEEDVILLE BOY TUCKS IN HIS LONG HAIR TO START KINDERGARTEN
Did you ever wonder that if schools were all about learning and scholarship, this wouldn't even be news? How would you like to be this little kid? What lessons he's learning, huh? [Link]
FLAPPING FLAG OK, PAINTED FLAG IS NOT
A symbol is a symbol is a symbol. What difference does it make what form it takes as long as you believe? [Link]
PRIEST ORGANIZES NUN BEAUTY CONTEST
This is just funny. Hey, nuns are people, too! And they deserve to be paraded about like dogs in a dog show. [Link]
CHEERLEADER UNIFORMS BANNED FROM SCHOOL
Another example of people with titles who believe themselves to be in authority and have some semblance of control over others trying to exert that belief in the name of policy. [Link]
August 24, 2008
TOWN DECLARES ALL-OUT WAR ON MENACE OF DIVEBOMBER SEAGULLS
Notice the terror words associated with the seagulls in the headline of this article. "War," "Menace," "Divebomber." Now, it may seem as if only seagulls are being talked about here, but that's not all. What happens in a mind that has been controlled and raised on media (this includes more than just television) and educated/trained with BASIC english language and that thinks in this BASIC english language? Especially when what is being imported are terror words, words that incite the fight or flight response that has been conditioned through media. Anxiety occurs and the fight or flight response--because this is civilized society--becomes a flight to some external party to eradicate the "terror." However, the terror is imagined. [Link]
ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS RETURNING TO MEXICO IN RECORD NUMBERS
Notice again the use of conditioned response words, like "illegal immigrants." The ideology about illegal immigrants is that 'they don't belong here,' 'they take the good jobs,' and that 'they should go back to where they came from.' By using the reaction words "illegal immigrants" in the headline, it will capture any ideology based mind (particularly if that mind has been conditioned to hate illegal immigrants) and the conditioned responses will occur, completely coloring the article under that response. In other words, it doesn't matter what the article says, everything is determined in the mind of the ideological reader with the headline, they're just not aware of it. [Link]
NO-LEFT-TURN REQUEST AIMED AT EFFICIENCY
This is what is known as treating the symptom and not curing the disease, or addressing the effect, but not the cause. [Link]
MEN BANNED FROM NATIONAL PARKS AFTER VANDALISM
Wait until you read what the vandalism was. What's absurd is that they were arrested and with what they were charged. They should've been hired! [Link]
August 22, 2008
PARENTS OUTRAGED AFTER COP USES WINDSOR HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS' MYSPACE PAGES FOR INTERNET SAFETY ASSEMBLY
What if this cop was not trying to insult these students, but was trying to shock them into comprehending the some kinds of people that may be looking at their myspace pages? Perhaps the cop was not trying to speak unfavorably about the students, but trying to get the students to understand how the person who would look at their myspace page in such a way that would warrant them to seek them out. Perhaps the cop was trying to get them to understand that there are people in the world who don't see the pictures as "just having a good time" or "fashion."
Then again, maybe it's really myspace's fault, and we should just ban the internet all together. What?! Everybody else does it! [Link]
2 FACE TRIAL ON CHARGES OF ATTACKING PUTNAM CITY NORTH CHEERLEADING SPONSOR
Put my daughter on the team! brrzap! My daughter is a wonderful cheerleader! brrzap! Really, at what point do you think to yourself, "Maybe I'm taking this cheerleading thing too seriously"? You don't because this is what happens when a social tradition such as cheerleading (which is ultimately meaningless as it holds no other significance beyond its social function) has been pumped up to be the single most important thing to a parent. More so than life itself, perhaps? [Link]
HIGH-SPEED CHASE AND CRASH
This is what happens when you install an exciting and stimulating video game virtual reality into an advertising/marketing branded brain that has no concept of the difference between reality and virtual reality. [Link]
WISCONSIN WOMAN ARRESTED, BOOKED OVER LIBRARY FINES
Wow, I guess the Library Police will get you. Thanks a lot, Stephen King! [Link]
DISNEY SAYS NO TO 'MUSICAL' PANTIES
Honestly, I just thought this was funny. [Link]
KINDY DISCO TOO WILD FOR NEIGHBOURS
What could I possible say that could sum up this kind of absurd behavior? But rules are rules, right? [Link]
PO MAN FACES CHARGES FOR COOLING OFF COMBATIVE BOY - WITH A HOSE
Can you believe that this is in the news? Why is it that the happenings of people you have never met or who are not your neighbors or whom you don't know at all are suddenly part of your world and your everyday life? And not because of something extraordinary, tantamount to all of humanity, or something, but for something achingly ordinary, for something mundane? Strange how we are all a part of everyone else's life through media. [Link]
WATER BALLOON PRANK GETS PORT ST. LUCIE MAN ARRESTED
Doesn't it seem odd to arrest someone for a water balloon prank? What message is trying to be conveyed when someone is arrested for something seemingly so insignificant? Is it to allow the mind to perceive a person dressed in a particular set of clothing and so is titled "Officer" and that this "Officer" represents a much larger entitle titled "Police" and that "Police" bring "Order" and from "Order" comes "Security"? And as long as there is "Security" no one needn't ever worry their minds with unknowns, with wonders, with curiosities, etc. [Link]
SOLDIER COULD LOSE SCHOOL BOARD SEAT
It is always interesting when the media clashes one or more ideologies together. Here we have a soldier (the title conjures up images of "freedom" and "fighting for freedom" and "wars on terror" and "terrorism" and "war" in general and fighting to sustain order and nationalism and patriotism and other intangibles) along with school (the title conjures up "education" and "rights" and "equality" and "obedience" and "uniformity" and "conformity" and "order" and other intangibles). But suddenly due to policy (the title conjures up such intangibles as "obedience" and "acquiescence" and "do as your told" and "don't fight" and "don't rock the boat") a conflict between "soldier" and "school" occurs in the submitizen mind. But it's okay, because somebody else will tell you what to do. [Link]
GROUNDED PILOT, WIFE SUE OVER 'NO-FLY' LIST
Notice the media's attempt to sway the mind to be sympathetic to the man because he is a "gulf war veteran." But there is a bit of a glitch because the "gulf war veteran" is also "muslim", which creates a bit of a conflict in the mind because the submitizen and controlled mind wants to have sympathy for the "gulf war veteran," but wants to be afraid and exterminate and war with the "muslim" because he could be a terrorist. What's absurd about this fiasco is that it is not personal against this man, but merely an after effect of extreme incompetence inherent in bureaucracy. [Link]
TSA SNAFU GROUNDS NINE PLANES AT O'HARE FIELD
Bear in mind that this is the same agency that tells you what you can and cannot bring on a plane. [Link]
MAN SEES JESUS ON ONE SIDE OF PIECE OF WOOD
Where did the image of Jesus Christ come from? According to reported history, earliest depictions of Jesus Christ did not include a beard and long hair; these characteristics did not appear until the 6th century. So, does that mean that the well-known image of Jesus Christ is but a mass cultural belief? If that is so, then what is on the piece of wood? [Link]
and now for something completely disturbing...MOBILE MICROWAVE [Link]
This is the epitome of why civilization is doomed.
August 19, 2008
FAT CHILDREN 'SHOULD BE TAKEN FROM PARENTS' TO CURB OBESITY EPIDEMIC
Could it be that what this is really about is that "The State" no longer wants to spend the money and resources involved in taking care of these children? Nah... It's probably more like as long as people continue to consume, this economy will continue, and people who having nothing to do with your life can continue having jobs. [Link]
CHICKAMAUGA SCHOOL BOARD FIRES ACCUSED TEACHER
See, what the accused teacher may not understand is that the school had to fire her without investigation due to simple public relations. See, as long as parents suspected, then she was by all purposes guilty, so had to be fired in order to save the school's butt. There's just no getting around the "saving our butts" policy. [Link]
TEENS DEALT CHARGES OVER JOKER CARDS
Odd how that line between fantasy and reality is blurred, isn't it? What's even more odd is that real people handed down a supposedly real charge to a bit of play in fantasy land manifested on a stage. Guess the joke was missed. [Link]
BUTTOCK-CLENCHING AT THE BUS STOP: THE NANNY STATE'S NEW BID TO GET US ALL FIT
What a great thing to do with your buttocks. Instead of sitting on them, why not clench them while you ride the bus? [Link]
ATHEIST CHALLENGES 'IN GOD WE TRUST'
Isn't it strange when people who don't agree with something always try to have it banned from existence, so no one else has to deal with it either? Weird behavior, don't you think? But alas, symbols can be powerful. [Link]
IF WE CAN'T CUT COLLECTION WE'LL HALVE YOUR BIN SIZE
The continuing saga of the Bin Wars. [Link]
MOM PROTESTS UNIFIED ENROLLMENT FORM, CLAIMS BIAS AGAINST BIRACIAL KIDS
Unfortunately, in this absurd Social Construct, this is probably not about racism, but about bureaucracy. They probably can't change the forms due to policy and are probably not at all being racist towards her. She just happens to be too many standard deviations from the mean. [Link]
FRISCO MAN SAYS HOA WON'T LET HIM PARK PICKUP ON DRIVEWAY
Look, people are going to have to understand that policy has a lot of authority. You're just going to have to learn to obey the words on the paper. Obey the words on the paper. [Link]
COMING SOON: PAY-AS-YOU-GO ROAD TAX
Well, it looks like the press on the slaves may just get a little heavier. [Link]
WHEN SHOPPING IS A REAL ADDICTION
Uh, wow. This is the new animal, folks, the consumption concrete jungle-beast. Foraging for the lowest sale and bargains at your local shopping mall. Beware or risk being out-bought! Only in a Social Construct founded upon consumption (what makes this economic system go round) can such a creature exist. [Link]
SHOPPERS 'CHEATED' AS SUPERMARKET BRANDS OFFER LESS FOR SAME PRICE
Has anyone else noticed this? This is a standard in the Social Construct. Less for more of the same. [Link]
CLASS-ACTION LAWSUIT CLAIMS LOTO-QUEBEC DOWNPLAYED DANGERS OF VLTs
When you can't control yourself, blame your master. [Link]
PETA YEARNS FOR SPOT ON BORDER FENCE
Advertising and marketing work in mysterious ways. [Link]
WAR ON TERROR BOARD GAME SEIZED BY POLICE
What you must understand, is that if a big fuss is made about a board game called War on Terror (as silly as it may seem), it only adds to the validity and "reality" of there being a war on terror, which adds to the believability that there is terror at all, which, in turn, adds to the mental acceptance that there is governments, states, nations, and so forth. What's ironic is that the Social Construct is more like this board game, than not. [Link]
MAN BANNED FOR LOUD SEX
Jealousy? Do you think? [Link]
August 16, 2008
TEEN FIGHTS FOR RIGHT TO WEAR CONFEDERATE FLAG
It's always amusing to watch people who believe in one symbol conflict with people who believe in another symbol. What's the difference? [Link]
TENSIONS FLARE OVER TEXAS SCHOOL DISTRICT DRESS CODE, JUMPSUIT OPTION
In the Social Construct, all attempts are made to unify the submitizen (even at an early age). Through unification (or uniformity/conformity) it is a means to dehumanize and de-individualize the person. Once a person has accepted this forced dehumanization and de-individualization, that person will easily succumb to perceived authority. Hence, it will be easier for that perceived authority to control and manipulate these future submitizens into acquiescence to their obedience. Apparently, in this particular situation, it doesn't seem to be working. [Link]
PARENTS CHARGED IN STARVATION DEATH SUE CITY
Would you be embarrassed to sue your master because your master didn't effectively tell you what to do? [Link]
IS 'MEANING OF CANDY CANE' OK IN SCHOOLS?
Yup, you read that right. Candy Cane. [Link]
PROFESSOR UNDER INVESTIGATION FOR MOONING
Do you think teachers the world over are getting nervous about just what could end up on YouTube? [Link]
LA-BASED 99 CENT STORE TO RAISE PRICES
Now, you know things are bad when the 99 cent story has to raise prices. Is this the end of Dollar Stores and 99 cent only stores? Where else are customers going to purchase tacky items for under a buck? [Link]
PERSISTENT LAVATORY FLUSHER FACES EVICTION
Again, yes, you read that correctly. Lavatory flusher. Sounds like a strange new form of superhero, doesn't it? [Link]
August 12, 2008
WOMAN ASKED TO LEAVE MALL BECAUSE OF DRESS
Isn't it weird how when people see something that sparks thoughts that they believe to be "bad" to occur in their own minds, they want to get rid of whatever it is causing such "bad" thoughts in their minds as quickly as possible? [Link]
JUDGE BRANDS COURT WORKER AN 'ILLITERATE IDIOT' AFTER SPELLING WORD WRONG FOUR TIMES ON CHARGE SHEETSee, the bureaucrats, as higher beings within the Social Construct, can't be behaving like the worker bees. It's embarrassing for the hierarchy if those on higher levels of the pecking order are grammatically dumber than those on the bottom. Or he could just be an "illiterate idiot." [Link]
PENSIONERS BANNED FROM PLAYING CARDS
See what happens when you have health insurance? You are required to pay health insurance in order to assure businesses that you are not going to sue them and absolve them from all liability should you decide to accidentally injure yourself. [Link]
FIREFIGHTERS ARRIVED AT WESTON-SUPER-MARE BLAZE FIVE HOURS AFTER IT STARTED
With the way bureaucracy is in the States (and UK seems to be even worse), it is not that difficult to believe that the fire brigade were not notified until five hours later. [Link]
FIREFIGHTERS HEALTHY LUNG REMOVED
"Thank you, Sir. Your operation was successful, seeing as how we did not have to remove any of the cancer....seeing as how you did not have cancer. We did get your lung though. That'll be fifty thousand pounds." [Link]
COUPLE WARNED FOR FEEDING BIRDS IN THEIR GARDENIt's gotten to be quite a world, where people start complaining about nature. [Link]
LOCK, STOCK, & TWO BARRELS
Again, with the people who can't control their own ideologically induced "bad" thoughts, trying to prevent everybody else from seeing or hearing movies. And this time they do it under the guise of "for the children." [Link]
TEEN TEXTING EXPERT INSISTS ON BEING LETTER-PERFECT
How can anyone not think that this useless news article is really a ploy to sell the LG phone? Consumer advertising/branding at its best. [Link]
OUTRAGE OVER PREGNANT SHOP DUMMY
Once more with the "bad" thoughts people having to remove from everyone's sight (so it can be removed from their sight) so they can avoid the "bad" thoughts. "I am NOT an ideological animal!" [Link]
and now for today's Daily Illusion...Are you sure that's what you're looking at?PHOTOGRAPHY AS A WEAPON [Link]
August 9, 2008
UNIVERSITY STUDENTS 'CANNOT SPELL'
If we look at this through the eyes of the human brain, a lot can be said about the state of these students' brains if they are unable to grasp the basic forms of grammar and spelling (wherein even those who are english as a second language are performing better than the native english speakers). Much is implied by such a feat. Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis links language to thought and expression; if a person has developed using shortened language (i.e., text-language and emoticons) such that he or she is incapable of spelling that language correctly, what does that say about the thought process of that person? Does this mean that certain people are also incapable of complicated thought or nonlinear thought, or even autonomous or independent thought? [Link]
COMPANIES FINED FOR SELLING DANGEROUS KIDS' CLOTHES
Fear! Fear! Wonder how many "dozens" of children have died in the past twenty years? When you google strangulation hazards and drawstrings, most of the top results are more of this type of fear inducing articles. Fear! Fear! If you have fear, you will turn to whomever the "experts" say are "experts" and listen to whatever they tell you to do, and you will labor continuously so that you can continue to buy things that will make you "safe" and "secure" and allow you to sleep soundly (with the aid of some prescription) at night, to awake again at the sound of the alarm bell the next morning. Fear! Fear! [Link]
COUPLE NABBED OVER UNPAID $10 TAX IN BARBERTON
This may seem despicable or even reasonable. But what if this incident were not about seemingly absurd actions taken over a mere $10.12? What if this were really just an example? An example to learn you, the reader, about authority and obedience, culture and programmed, conditioned responses. And what if that example were really about portraying an entity to be all-powerful, all-knowing, and infallible? What if this were really an example demonstrating a short cut to critical thinking and question? What if that example were to strengthen an idea present only in the mind? What if this was all sociological and not governmental? [Link]
'NUCLEAR MODIFIED' CD SPARKS ISRAELI ALERT
This may seem like the installation of paranoia, but do not be mistaken. Paranoia is part of the programming here, however, the paranoia is meant to be assumed in your mind. By surmising that this event was an overreaction (of course, that is not the only assumption, there are layers of others) for instance, means that credence and reality are given to the Defence Ministry, hence your assumption that Defence Ministry has power over you. In which case, you may then change your behavior to comply (or conform) with that perceived assumption. [Link]
OHIO POLICE HAVE OWN ODD 911 CALL ANECDOTES
This is how deeply ingrained into the citizens brain that they are incapable of doing anything for themselves. That a person would think of the police and then call them (using the emergency number, no less) for situations such as those mentioned in this article, speaks volumes of dependency and reliance. It is also a bit disturbing, as you could end up in quite a bit of an hassle should you happen to be one of the unfortunate ones who become the butt of one these "emergency" calls. [Link]
MOM SAYS CHILD'S TOY HAD A MOUTH LIKE A TRUCKER
This would seem like a case in point of a parent attempting to control a child's environment. Why would someone want a toy recalled and/or removed from the shelves of a department store just because he or she was "offended" by some function the toy performed? What kind of person would want to do something like that? Seems a bit strange, doesn't it? [Link]
SPECIAL LICENSES OFFERED TO THOSE WHO FEAR 'BEAST'
Um, this is one of those stories you just have to read for yourself. [Link]
and now for an interesting tidbit from the internet....Is it the End of the Shopping Mall?
RETAILING -- BIRTH, DEATH AND SHOPPING [Link]
August 7, 2008
LOGAN PAPER'S LESBIAN WEDDING AD HITS NERVES
Ever wonder why the media tries to make something like this everybody's concern, in which you are supposed to choose one of two sides, either "for gay marriage" or "against gay marriage" (that are also surreptitiously presented by the same mediated article)? The reasons for choosing either side may vary, but are most likely pertaining to religion, or some other general belief. Once you have accepted either side of "this issue" your mind becomes preoccupied by the programmed responses of "offense" or "defense." Much like a football game, you are either offended that such an event would take place, let alone be printed in a newspaper for everyone to read, or you defend this couple's right to marry. Whichever side you choose, your mind is no longer your own, because through multiple layers of complex and intricate sociological, psychological, and neurological, as well as subtle, manipulations your mind has been emptied of all autonomous thought, and you have now left reality for the bigger, better, and more improved illusion of reality. In which case, you fail to realize that none of this matters one bit to anyone, from the ritual of marriage, to the labels used to evoke and invoke a particular emotion, to the newspaper, to media, etc. Ever wonder exactly how many thoughts and conclusions are really your own? [Link]
'SNEAKER HEADS' GET THEIR FIX IN CENTER CITY
This is consumption and egocentricity at its finest. Imagine a society in which the value of a footwear is measured in dollars, prestige, fame, ego, and vanity. Isn't that just a bit odd? Since when did footwear start to matter so much? Or perhaps sneaker heads might want to ask themselves about the art of branding and marketing. [Link]
HANDYMAN FIGHTS WITH CITY OVER FREE REPAIRS FOR NEIGHBORS
Isn't it a bit strange that a man cannot offer free repair services to his neighbours because he must first have permission (permit) from the City? Doesn't that seem a bit odd? Why would he need a permit? And what constitutes what he is doing as a business? If what he is doing is a business, than what does that mean about all other businesses? [Link]
BATTLE FOR BREASTS
This is not about breastfeeding and whether or not breastfeeding is publicly offensive, but rather about policy. What happens when there is conflict between bringing in as much profit as possible for the shareholders of a business, and complying with an official policy? If consumers are unhappy (made known through an issue of complaint) then those consumers may not spend money, which is not good for business (or the shareholders). What to do? An entire thesis can be written on the multiple layers of cognitive manipulation from the business owner to the reader. [Link]
and for today's Daily Illusion....brought to you by the man who gave you the Quiet Rage: The Stanford Prison ExperimentPEOPLE'S VIEWS ON TIME AFFECT HEALTH, WEALTH, RELATIONSHIPS [Link]
August 1, 2008
CRUCIFIED FROG SCULPTURE NEAR POPE'S SUMMER HOLIDAY BASE PROVOKES PROTESTS
Aside from this being extremely funny, why do people continue to insist upon trying to eradicate those objects in the world which they find offensive? It's fine that someone finds something offensive, but to believe that you also have the power to erase it from existence by "banning" it is just ludicrous. [Link]
STUDENT CHARGED AFTER 9/11 STICKERS LEFT ON PLANE
I guess "They" didn't get the joke. [Link]
GEORGIA'S TAX HOLIDAY HAS 'ADULT' TWIST; INCLUDES SEXY LINGERIE
Could it be that this is not really about lingerie and adult diapers, but about getting potential consumers (in this starved economy) to consume again, especially at one of the--usually--high times of consumption, back to school? By
combining magic words such as "tax" and "holiday" and "economy" in with the implication to shop, what could be more analogous to during your part to boost the economy? You simply have to have respect for social engineering and human ecology. [Link]
GEORGIA TOWN BUYS STRIP CLUB, CLOSES ITSee, if they buy the strip club to shut down the strip club, then through the auspices of extreme magical thinking, the city will be safe from those who would frequent such a place. What is not fully realized, of course, is that if those who would frequent such a place do not have a place such as this strip club in which to vent their "needs" (or what have you) then they will have to search for some other way. This, technically, is not a better means to solve a "problem," but a means to perpetuate it. This type of irrational behavior, of course, is typical of a Social Construct: that of addressing the symptoms (or effects) of a problem rather than the cause. Sad, really; if not disturbing to some degree. [Link]
FOR CHOCTAW STUDENTS, LOCKERS COST $5 EACHIt's important in a social constructed civilization, to start the habit of obedience to paying fees for things (i.e., consumption, fines, tickets, etc.) off early...while kids (read: future buying/paying/indebted adults) are in the place they spend the most time in their young lives: school. [Link]
WOMAN SURE SHE EXISTS; GOVERNMENT DOESN'T ACKNOWLEDGE HERThis is what is known as a bureaucratic nightmare. [Link]
DOZENS BLINDED IN INDIA LOOKING FOR VIRGIN MARYUh, wow.... just wow. [Link]
July 29, 2008
SALINAS THE CALIFORNIAN TOWN FIGHTING GANGS BY FASTING
Shouldn't this be considered a type of magical thinking? MAGICAL THINKING: "irrational belief that one can bring about a circumstance or event by thinking about it or wishing for it; normal in preschool children, it also occurs in schizophrenia." (definition cited from the online Medical Dictionary ). Hmm.. [Link]
'DWI' COP IN CRUISER CRASH
After reading this, ask yourself: Would this story had been half as interesting if it wasn't about a "cop"? Then ask yourself why is it that this person was a cop that makes this story interesting? Then promptly go to the nearest library and borrow a book about sociology, so you can answer your questions. [Link]
AMERICANS DITCHING THE CAR
Doesn't this strike any one as odd that the changing of digits can have this much influence over people's lives? How dependent have people become upon the things which they neither own, nor produce, nor benefit from the labor necessary to "pay" for those things? [Link]
GROUPS TO PRAY FOR LOWER PRICES AT GAS STATIONS
Kindly refer to the Medical Dictionary link again regarding magical thinking. [Link]
R U AMBU-TEXTROUS?
Really, shouldn't everyone be embarrassed that a law was enacted for something like this? Doesn't this say that people are unthinking, that they are incapable of taking care of themselves or think for themselves, that they are unaware of their environment, stupid, and that they are apathetic and indifferent to all of that? Frankly, shouldn't one find this insulting to one's intelligence? [Link]
EX-OLYMPIAN, 80, BANNED FROM RUNNING UP ESCALATOR
This is not really an issue about his age, or that he was once an olympian. Those are merely the labels and identities that the newspaper uses to get others with like minded, pre-programmed social conditions and roles to take one side or the other of this event. Because the point is for the reader to take one side or the other of this event, and not to critically think about what has actually occurred. What is really going on here is that this man was banned from running up and down an escalator, but not because he was old or running up and down the escalator was dangerous, but because the department store employee did not want to be responsible for reporting a potential fall from the old man, which involves the fear of being sued by the man who may fall (and then having those social labels and identities previously mentioned used against the department store), in which case money will have to be spent (and the employee possibly fired for not having stopped the man from running up and down the escalator). The fact of the matter is, the man is free to run up and down the escalator because that is his choice, and since that was his choice he is assumed to have full knowledge and awareness of the possible dangers of doing so, in which case, it would be his fault and his fault alone were he to fall, and not the fault of the department store at all. But if the world were not socially engineered to make the reader look at the social labels and identities, that would mean that everyone was living in a free world, rather than the controlled, contrived, prescribed, unthinking world that it is. [Link]
INTRODUCING GUY-LINER AND MANSCARA-THE NEW METROSEXUAL MAKEUP JUST FOR MEN
Don't be fooled into thinking that this is really about crossing gender lines, or blurring gender lines, or any such social issue as that. This is really about opening a market to include a larger demographic, so that more revenue can be made from consumers desiring to consume more stuff so they can costume themselves in their ideal social roles, identity, and/or personality. It's not about being a "macho man" while still wearing makeup; it's about creating a new social identity for consumers to wear. This is social engineering at its finest. [Link]
July 20, 2008
'RIDICULOUS HEALTH AND SAFETY RULES TELL CARPENTERS TO BAN THE BROOM
When will it be be okay again for people to make up their own minds about their own health? I mean, isn't this just a bit too far? But then, notice that the reasons against it are always about money. Lesson learned: you can't fight absurdity with money. [Link]
FRUSTRATED PARENTS SNEAK 'OLD MATH' TO KIDS
Parents are sick of being left out of helping their kids with their schoolwork because they aren't able to do the schoolwork (this is nothing new in America). Schools are sick of parents sick of being left out of helping their kids with their schoolwork. Kids just want to get the heck out of school and back to sleeping in late during the summer. [Link]
ESTATE AGENT WINS 30,000 (BRITISH POUNDS) COMPENSATION AFTER BOSS ORDERED HER TO GET SMALLER BREASTS
Hey, a handful is enough. [Link]
MAN SUES BECAUSE SKATES NOT ALLOWED IN STORE
Enquiring minds want to know what's in the wheelchair? [Link]
NEEDLE-EXCHANGE OPERATOR, DA CLASH
Do you want me to do my job or not? [Link]
REALITY BITES
It's about time this was made into a mental illness. People should have been diagnosed with this years ago. Ask any celebrity who receives those "weird" fan letters. Or is this just an excuse not to accept reality? [Link]
VILLAGE TO TRY TO CURTAIL CANDY THROWING DURING PARADES
Sweets can be dangerous. Hey, kid, want some candy? Owww! [Link]
DULUTH CONSIDERS FEES FOR POLICE, FIRE RESPONSE
Help, I need the fire department. Do you take a post dated check? [Link]
July 14, 2008
SCHOOL SACK RACES CANCELLED BY HEALTH AND SAFETY - BECAUSE THE CHILDREN MIGHT FALL OVER
The reasoning here is, in order to protect the children from harm and danger, we must take everything and anything away from them that might be in the least bit fun. Or it's a liability issue. [Link]
TEACHERS WIN RIGHT TO FRISK PUPILS FOR DRINK, DRUGS AND CIGARETTES
Do you think this is allowed because they want to solve a problem, or because they want to solve a symptom of a greater problem that they don't really want to deal with or think about, or even have little meetings about? [Link]
FAMILY ORDERED TO LEAVE RESTAURANT BECAUSE OF CRYING CHILD
A restaurant is a place for eating, not for children who just can't abide by the unwritten socialized rules of conduct. [Link]
U.S. SCHOOL REBUKED FOR IBUPROFEN STRIP SEAR
When people ascribe to the policy is policy rule, then any common sense or sense of decency or intelligence immediately goes out the window. [Link]
ITALIAN WINS DAMAGES OVER GAY DRIVING TEST RETAKE
See, this whole thing with certain beliefs (or words) not being accepted because someone else's business happens to disagree with your general beliefs is at the point of utmost absurdity. The banning of words and other actions is due to the general belief that everybody must agree with only "my" point of view. Are people too stupid to understand that not everyone agrees with everyone? [Link]
SAFETY WARNINGS A NEW CHAPTER FOR FAIRYTALES
Need I say any more? [Link]
July 11, 2008
CITY TO ENFORCE LAW ON LOST GUNS
People who wear the uniform of authority will go to great lengths to ensure that they continue in their control over people who do not wear the uniform of authority. [Link]
NOPD OFFICER PUNISHED FOR WEARING THE WRONG UNIFORM
Listen, policy is policy. It doesn't matter how ridiculous it is, just shut up and follow the rules! [Link]
FLINT POLICE CRACKING DOWN ON SAGGY PANTS
It should be obvious how offensive it is to wear pants that sag and expose undergarments. Seriously, something really must be done. I know! Call the Fashion Police (hum superhero theme here). [Link]
'MEN AT WORK' SIGNS TO DISAPPEAR IN ATLANTA
How far will this ban on words go? In the Social Construct, to ban words means to ban thoughts, and to ban thoughts means to ban thinking, and to ban thinking means everybody is the same and equally mindless. [Link]
70,000 (BRITISH POUNDS) 'WASTED' ON TELLING PUPILS ELVIS WAS A GYPSY
So, it doesn't matter that the pupils are being told what to think in schools, but that money was wasted on telling them Elvis was a gypsy? This kind of issue deflection, is known as mental misdirection. [Link]
VIEWER ACCIDENTALLY SENT CHECKS TO WRONG BUSINESSES WHO THEN CASHED THE CHECKS
This was one big "oops" all the way down the line. [Link]
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS CAN APPLY FOR JOBS IN BRAILLE
Another instance of 'policy is policy.' (Disclaimer: This is not to be considered an outrage against blind people.) [Link]
KILLER SORCERER FACES EXECUTION
I bet you thought sorcerers were only in Harry Potter movies. [Link]
TEXAS COUNTY OFFICIAL SEES RACE IN TERM 'BLACK HOLE'
No, really, how far is this ban on words going to go? [Link]
MAN SUES CHURCH OVER 'GOD INJURY'
Yeah, um, you'll just have to read this for yourself. [Link]
$142 COLLECTION BILL SENT TO COUPLE'S DOG
You pet owners need to watch your pets' spending. [Link]
TODDLERS WHO SAY 'YUCK' RACIST: STUDY
Again, with the racist words. Is it possible for words to be racist? Pretty soon every word can be considered racist in some way. Then what? A ban on speaking? [Link]
'DESK RAGE' HITS AMERICA
Another way in which the increase (and/or decrease) in digits displayed on a board is effecting your life. Can you say controlled? [Link]
MUM'S POLICE CHECK FOR SCHOOL RUN
Speaking of control.... [Link]
and for today's Daily Illusion.... Another example of how the movements of a controlled people are manipulated through numbers.
GOOD NEWS ABOUT $4 GAS? [Link]
July 7, 2008
WHY WAS THIS WOMAN PUT ON TRIAL?
Ask yourself, who are the true terrors to your well-being? The mindless cashier at the corner convenient store, or some invented orator as seen on TV for your mental entertainment. Well, the cashier is much closer to home. [Link]
POLICE SNIFFER DOGS TO WEAR BOOTEES DURING HOUSE SEARCHES TO AVOID OFFENDING MUSLIMS
In the Social Construct, it is imperative that the submitizens are kept in a constant state of fear, victimization, and persecution, all while practicing current buzz action words "tolerance" and "diversity." In this way, their obedience can be bought and sold to the highest bidder. [Link]
MINISTER CALLS FOR CHILDREN TO BE LOCKED IN SCHOOL TO STOP THEM BUYING JUNK FOOD
By proposing such a "solution" to the "keep children healthy" debacle, these children (and subsequently their parents) must be considered without the power to make their own decisions. [Link]
PAGAN SYMBOLS CAN STAY IF PERMIT BOUGHT
If Submitizens are allowed "freedom of religion" by their masters, isn't it a bit odd that permission (in the form of writing, "permit") would be necessary to have that freedom to religion? [Link]
TOP POLICE MARKSMAN AWARDED 5,000 (BRITISH POUNDS) AFTER SENIOR OFFICER CALLS HIM 'SERIAL KILLER' IN JEST
Seems like a small price to pay for hurting someone's feelings, don't you think? [Link]
CRAZY SUMMER OF SWIMSUITS AND LAWSUITS
Just when you thought it was safe to start wearing your speedos. [Link]
VICAR ORDERS TWO-YEAR-OLD OUT OF CHURCH FOR TALKING DURING HIS PARENTS' WEDDING
Really, children have to learn to be seen and not heard. That is the instruction-program that all people with assumed authority (and taking it seriously) want everyone to learn....and he commands it! [Link]
SCHOOLBOYS PUNISHED WITH DETENTION FOR REFUSING TO KNEEL IN CLASS AND PRAY TO ALLAH
"You will be tolerant and diversify yourself, or else!" Yes, tolerance and diversification always come easier when followed by threats. [Link]
July 5, 2008
SCHOOL LOCKED DOWN AFTER 'NINJA' SIGHTED IN WOODS
In the Circus known as The World, and being populated with xenophobic and fearfully programmed persons, a ninja can be quite scary, indeed. It could have been a terrorist come to kick the crap out of everybody. Don't you understand that those ninjas have lethal weapons as hands? [Link]
MOON MISTAKEN FOR UFO
Yes, that's right...a UFO. Maybe there's something to all this, though. It would be perfect camouflage. The moon/UFO is always following Earth around, spying on everyone. Moon rocks could really be information retrieval devices, gathering data looking for Earth's weak spots. And since the Pope says its okay to believe in aliens, well.... [Link]
MINNESOTA TEEN CHARGED WITH SELLING VOTE ON EBAY
People are going to have to realize that some people just do not have a sense of humor. Joking is dangerous. [Link]
SEX EDUCATION 'SHOULD BEGIN AT FOUR'
In the Social Construct, the schools inform your children, not the parents. Didn't you know? [Link]
COURT RULES ON NOISY CHICKEN
In the Social Construct, your neighbors will run to the Judge-Master to re-enforce your programming so that you will change your behavior to comply with their right to entitled wishes. [Link]
ACCOUNTANT FOR RACHEL RAY SHOW CLAIMS ANOREXIA BIAS
Okay, what could be more apt than a man with anorexia suing a cooking show? I mean, sometimes, you just have to wonder if you are not walking around in a perpetual episode of Candid Camera (or for the younger generation, an episode of Punk'd). [Link]
MIDLOTHIAN FATHER ADMITS HE LOCKED DAUGHTERS IN CAGE IN TRUCK, COPS SAY
So, do you think he will be voted 'Father of the Year'? [Link]
July 4, 2008
EMPLOYEES WORKED WITH BROKEN ARMS
If this isn't enough to demonstrate that when you work as a slave, er, employee of a master, er, company, then you can be treated any damn well they please. [Link]
ANOTHER BRICK IN THE 'WALL-E'
Honestly, when did people stop realizing that movies are not reality? Oh, they never could tell the difference between fantasy and reality, hence the Social Construct. [Link]
AIRLINE DENIES DYING FLORIDA MAN BOARDING AT BIA
The reason that the airline gives as to why the dying Florida man could not board is what makes this absurd. [Link]
FEN-PHEN LAWYER MILLS IS FOUND NOT GUILTY
This guy wins the Darwin award for excuses. [Link]
'SPITE' BITE BY TROOPER
This ought to teach you not to piss off people wearing uniforms of assumed authority. [Link]
PEEPING TOM VICTIMS TOLD TO FIX BLINDS
Okay, the next time you want to put on a little show, remember to fix your blinds. [Link]
SUSPECTED GANG MEMBER ARRESTED FOR STEALING LITTLE GIRL'S TRIKE
This is just one of those stories that make you laugh. [Link]
COUPLE WHO LET LAWN DIE TO SAVE WATER FACE FINE
This often happens in a law saturated Social Construct. The question is: which law are you allowed to follow? [Link]
EMPLOYEE SUSPENDED OVER BURGUNDY HAIR COLOR
It's the little details that can cause the most trouble. [Link]
A SMOOTH GETAWAY
When peer pressure can get a little tricky. [Link]
WOMAN IN TROUBLE FOR FLYING AMERICAN FLAG IN NEIGHBORHOOD
Honestly, it seems you just can't please anybody...even when you are complying with the correct symbols. [Link]
LAW BANNING ANNOYING PEOPLE DURING POPE'S VISIT TO AUSTRALIA CRITICIZED
You kids stop teasing each other while your Father is around! [Link]
and for today's Daily Illusion...Would you believe?
IT'S THE LAW [Link]
For older News - AbsurdWatch go to The Vault
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